The Test

[Elena and Noel are at a bar.]
Elena: Come on Noel. It’s time to move on. Felicity has.
[Noel looks over at the waitress.]
Noel: Okay. Okay I’m just… Okay, I’m just going to do it.
[Noel gets up from the table.]
Noel: Okay, so how do I look?
Elena: Like a virgin.
Noel: Thanks for the vote of confidence.
[Elena watches Noel from across the room. Noel comes back to the table carrying a straw.]
Noel: I didn’t know what to say, so I asked for a straw.
Elena: Okay, a straw is good. It’s a start.
Noel: It’s like I lost all my moves.
Elena: What about the girl in Berlin, Beth?
Noel: Doesn’t count. She was drunk, and I was desperate.
[The waitress approaches.]
Waitress: Are you sure you don’t want a drink with your straw?
Noel: Uh, yeah. I’m good. Thanks.

[Noel returns to the apartment after being turned down by the waitress.]
Noel: That was fun.
Elena: Did you strike out?
Noel: No, striking out would have been a pleasure. I was thrown out of the game entirely.
Elena: Okay, show me your technique.
Noel: What?
Elena: You spot a Gwyneth Paltrow look-alike across the room. What do you do?
Noel: Uh, I don’t know. I stand 50 feet back and hope she notices me.
[Elena stands up.]
Elena: I’m Gwyneth Paltrow. Try and pick me up.
Noel: That’s a lot of pressure. I mean you being Gwyneth Paltrow and all.
[Elena just stands there waiting for Noel to make a move. Noel finally gives in.]
Noel: All right. I’m Noel.
Elena: [chuckles] No.
Noel: See, that’s exactly the same response I got from the waitress.
Elena: The key to picking up a woman is staging. You got to work in stages in order to make her feel comfortable. I’ll show you. You be Gwenyth. Just stand over there and try to look very blonde.
Noel: All right.
[Elena saunters over.]
Elena: Hey. You haven’t seen the bathroom, have you?
Noel: Yeah,it’s right over there.
Elena: Thanks, by the way, I’m Elena.
Noel: I’m Gwyneth.
Elena: See how simple that was?
Noel: Yeah, that’s not bad, but I’m an easy sell. I don’t think it’s quite the same in the real world, you know?
Elena: Well, here is the perfect opportunity.
[Elena holds up a flier.]
Noel: No thanks. I think I’m going to pass at any further social interactions for a while.
Elena: Noel, you’re going to the party, and you’re going to use my technique, and you will get a girl’s number.
Noel: Fine.

[Noel and Elena arrive at the party.]
Elena: Remember the key is patience. Take your time. Your objective right now is just get her name.
Noel: Right. Okay, okay, uh, yeah I’m going in.
[Noel walks off exchanging approving nods with Elena.]
Noel: Hey.
[Girl smiles.]
Noel: Do you know where the keg is?
Girl: It’s right here. [Points to the keg next to her.]
Noel: Oh, what an idiot. By the way, I’m Noel.
[Girl nods.]
Noel: And you’re?
Girl: Bridged.
Noel: Bridget. It’s a nice name. Nice to meet you.
Bridged: Bridged. No T.
Noel: Oh, Bridged. Okay, no T. Bridged.
[Bridged looks away. Noel glances over at Elena who nods at him to continue.]
Noel: So, uh?
Bridged: What?
[Noel looks embarrassed.]
Noel: Nothing, so it was nice to meet you, Bridged.
[Bridged nods and Noel walks off. Elena looks disappointed.]
[A few minutes later we see Bridged writing down her phone number for Noel. Noel sees Ben and Felicity leave together, and Noel doesn’t look happy.]